I Start With The Possible

In my early 20's I went through my first devastating break up with a partner. This was the first person I loved. This was the first person I learned about vulnerability with. This was a person I was planning a future with. And the breakup was because of a betrayal on their part that left me shattered in a million pieces.

Putting myself back together again seemed impossible. I didn't even know how to begin.

Everything felt overwhelming. Everything felt raw.

I found solace in my Nana's bungalow in Northeast DC. This knowing, to seek comfort and care from my beloved grandmother, was worn into my bones. I arrived at her doorstep with snot running down my face, eyes bloodshot from crying, my head pounding, and feeling hopeless.

Lying on the chenille bedspread under the canopy in the Front Bedroom, I sobbed and heaved and told the story of my broken heart as my grandmother listened and stroked my hair. I remember my desperation as I told her I didn't know how I would ever get over this.

And I remember her calm and tender response, “Let's start with a glass of water."

And that's what we did.

She brought me a glass of water and set a pitcher by the bedside. She told me to sleep and after some rest we could talk more. After dinner—shepherds pie, I still remember—she drew me a bath and put towels on the radiator to warm up.

I stayed with her for 3 days. Every day a similar routine. Water, food, rest, bath, repeat. When it was time for me to go home, I wasn't fully healed. Not even close. But the healing had begun.

As a recovery coach the thing I hear from coaching members most often is, “I don't know where to begin. How do I even start? How do I not drink?”

I've said so many times that I wish there was a magic formula. I wish it was like a Buzzfeed quiz and we could choose the images we like best and the end result is a personalized recovery plan. If only.

And I also wish the answer was more elaborate than what I offer to folks sitting on the other side of the screen because I hear the deep desire and longing for change.

I remember the beginning of my own recovery and feeling the exact same way. It seems like it should be bigger, or more somehow, but the truest answer is this—start with what is possible.

And what is possible may not be not drinking.

What is possible may be drinking a whole glass of water before opening a bottle of wine. What is possible may be allowing yourself to close your eyes for 5 full minutes. What is possible may be asking for what you need. What is possible may be crying to a friend about how hard it all seems. What is possible may be reading this love note today. This is how we begin. And then we do it on repeat. And then we keep going. One small step at a time.

This is what healing looks like.

And yes, you have full permission to put your towels on the radiator to warm up.

Let the healing begin.

I love you,

Anne Marie